To be a Leader of others, you must lead yourself first (Thrust), and understand those you are leading (Awareness). The process of leading – where Thrust and Awareness meet as a process – executed and perceived – is Control.


One thing I find myself telling my students a lot is, “Take over. Go up to her and take over.”

When you meet a woman, you must take over, to a degree. You have to be comfortable with this if you want to be good at meeting women.

I think most guys know this intuitively. I know that when I see an attractive woman, and I have that feeling of anxiety, that tightness in my stomach, it’s because I don’t feel like I have the right to intrude on her life.

Men make excuses for not approaching women. I’m guilty of it to, though to a much lower degree than the average guy. That’s not to say that I go after every woman that catches my eye. Often I just don’t feel like it – because my energy is low, or I’m a bad mood.

But none of these are actual reasons for not approaching. I’m a man, she’s a woman, and she turns me on. Humans exist because men like women. If this were not the case, we would be extinct as a species!

The problem – and it’s all mental – is the feeling that I don’t have the right to enter this woman’s life and take up her time and attention. It’s as if I need permission. Of course, if you wait for permission from a woman to approach her, you’ll be waiting forever (the old cliche of a woman batting her eyelashes at you and rubbing her neck from across the bar never happens).

Don’t wait for permission. Acknowledge and accept the fact that, yes, you are intruding, and yes, you are taking control of someone’s time and attention, at least for a few seconds.

The sooner you can embrace this reality, and operate within it consciously, the better your results with women will be.

Talking about control in terms of meeting women may make some guys uncomfortable, especially in our western culture of political correctness. But control is part of the game – in fact it IS the game. It’s not a bad thing. Women want the man to be in control. A sexual woman wants to relax and feel the strength, passion, and direction of the man she is with. She wants to be taken by a man that is capable, and cares about her.

The key to understanding control is love. You take control of a woman because you love her. In order for a woman to be fully satisfied and excited – to be pleasured to her full sexual potential – she must feel out of control.

As dominating a woman turns me on, being dominated turns a woman on. So if you want to make woman feel good, you must embrace your role as the man, and take control of her body.

The biggest challenge is wrapping your mind around the fact that women want to be dominated, even though they resist. But in fact it’s that resistance that creates the dynamic where she MUST be dominated, or nothing at all. She’s laying the foundation for you to completely take over.

Control is the meeting point between you and others. It is the process through which YOU interact with THEM. The term, Control, may scare some, as it connotes manipulation, fear, and restriction of freedom.

On some level, we are all trying to control each other. Language itself is a tool to make sense of our world and our thoughts. Why? To control. When I speak to someone, there is a perception I want them to have of me. I use my words and actions to instill this perception in them. This is control.

Unless you are a Buddhist monk, sitting in a temple with a totally empty mind, you are trying to control. In fact, that’s the point of meditation – to let go of control. And this is why meditation is so difficult for people to do properly. The fact that we need to meditate to let go of control, and it’s quite difficult to do this, proves my point. Unless you are meditating, or totally at peace in the moment, you are trying to control something or someone.

So control for good. Humans are at the top of the food chain, and have survived this long despite being physically inferior to most other animals in strength and speed, because we are superior at controlling our environment.

We can make weapons and traps to hunt. We can use language to organize and strategize. We can plan and build in an indifferent, even hostile landscape. We are controllers, of each other and the world. This is the game humans play – it is the playing field you and I have been put on. So let’s play the game!

Remember that Control does not mean deception. Quite the opposite. I don’t want to make you THINK I’m a leader to be trusted. I actually want to be a leader, and be trustworthy. I don’t want you to think I care about you. I actually care about you! Faking is exhausting and shortlived. Being a leader means effortless results, but it’s not an instant fix.

Control is about building your team. My good friend Andy told me once that in the special forces, that elite squad is called the A-Team. The A-Team is a team of the absolute best operators, each playing a necessary and specialized role on the mission. This is how I think about the relationships in my life. I’m always building my A-Team. But you don’t need special training to be on my team. You just have to be yourself – you have to be real, and strive to be your best. I’m the leader, so I encourage and support your authentic self expression.

Leadership – control – begins with me. I control myself. I lead myself – I’m my own leader. I make my own rules and follow them. I Thrust. Read more about Thrust here.